I recently received some information from an organisation that, I understand, considers it warrants the epithet august.<\/p>\n
The information was in a document that ran to just over 1500 words. Eighty-two of these words were in the first sentence.<\/p>\n
The second paragraph also kicked off with a monster. This time the count was 77 words.<\/p>\n
Long sentences are not necessarily bad. E L Doctorow begins his novel Billy Bathgate<\/em> with a sentence that runs to more than 130 words. But E L Doctorow is a skilful writer. Whoever cobbled together the 77-word \u2018august\u2019 sentence was anything but.<\/p>\n I needed to read the sentence three or four times before I had even the vaguest idea of what the cobbler was trying to say.<\/p>\n To make matters worse, the cobbler appeared to be hopelessly addicted to nominalisations, those flabby abstract nouns formed from verbs.<\/p>\n Where \u2018should provide\u2019 would have been perfect, the cobbler chose \u2018provision should be made for\u2019. Where \u2018should arrange\u2019 would have told me what I needed to do, the cobbler stretched it out to \u2018should make suitable arrangements for\u2019.<\/p>\n And, evidently, he (or she) felt that \u2018should consider\u2019 would carry more weight if it was rendered as \u2018consideration should be given to.\u2019 In my opinion, he (or she) was wrong.<\/p>\n A few days later, I was talking with one of the august organisation\u2019s senior managers on another matter and I mentioned the document that his colleague had sent me.<\/p>\n \u2018Helpful, was it?\u2019 he asked.<\/p>\n \u2018No, not particularly,\u2019 I told him. \u2018I had to read it several times. And I\u2019m still not sure that it told me what I needed to know.\u2019<\/p>\n And then I asked if his organisation had ever considered adopting Plain English. \u2018You know: simple, straightforward, to the point.\u2019<\/p>\n From the expression on the chap\u2019s face, a passer-by might have thought that I had just told the chap that his wife was unbelievably ugly and his children were the dumbest kids in the county.<\/p>\n \u2018We are aware of Plain English,\u2019 he said. \u2018But it\u2019s too<\/em> simple. It\u2019s, well \u2026 chatty<\/em> almost. We need to project a more considered tone. We need to convey a certain sense of gravitas. We need to project a certain sense of authority.\u2019<\/p>\n Pompous twit, I thought. Authoritatively. \u2013 Jack Scrivano<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I recently received some information from an organisation that, I understand, considers it warrants the epithet august. The information was in a document that ran to just over 1500 words. Eighty-two of these words were in the first sentence. The … Continue reading